We held each other by the wrists and stared into each other’s eyes. Hers were empty and hunted and full of fear. Mine were stinging and watery. Her ugliness bore into me, dousing my lust. My hardness softened quickly. I let go of her. ‘I’m going right now. Goodnight!’ ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I didn’t mean for…’ I opened the front door for her not knowing what to say to make things right. She stepped out into the rain, her flat shoes making a wet slapping sound along the tarmac drive. ‘Tell Sonia I’ll see her next week.’ Her dull, emotionless voice drifted on the wind. I called out to say sorry again, but the driver’s door was already slamming shut. I felt dazed. God, how I wished Sonia had been here and none of this would have happened. I just hoped Joan would keep her mouth shut and forget about it. The engine started, she revved it hard a couple of times as if she was making her feelings known. Her headlights cut a swath through the black rain and the tyres swished along the wet. Every Saturday and Sunday afternoon, he would drive us into New York City after arranging phone "dates" for me with gay men. Duke had a little black book with hundreds of men's names in it. He said Robbie had gotten them for him by standing on a corner at Times Square and 42nd Street and hustling gay guys."Do everything he tells you to do, Scooter! Don't embarrass me!" was his only prior instruction. He was paid, I found out later, twenty to thirty dollars, of which he gave me five. That was a lot of money to me at the time. Besides, I wouldn't have asked for a raise.I was fearful that The Duke would tell the gay men that I would swallow their piss, if they liked, and I'd end up swallowing gallons of the bitter tasting stuff every week. But Duke allayed those fears. He told me he didn't want anyone else pissing in my mouth. He also told me, quite adamantly, that if anyone tried to get me to do it, I should tell him and he'd give the guy a good talking to.No one of the gays ever did..
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